A Bad Apology Is Worse Than No Apology

It is one of the impressing chapter I'd read in The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. In that particular chapter, he said there is no pass or fail. What comes into consideration is our faithfulness in apologizing. If we don't mean to apology with all our heart, might as well we don't apologize~ Right? It makes the recipients feel insulting. I totally agree with his saying. Personally I have experience the halfhearted apologize which is so irritating. According to Randy, he said if we've done something wrong in dealing with someone we know, parents, siblings, relatives, friends or even our boyfriend/girfriend or even our spouse, it's as if there is an infection in the relationship. In this case, a good apology can act as antibiotic that can cure the wound, although it's not an immediate effect, at least slowly it heals. On the other hand, a bad apology is equavalet to rubbing salt in the wound, the burning sensation can cause tears! It hurts! If we have no heart to apologize to someone, it is always better to not offering antibiotic rather than scattering salt in the wound.

We are all human, we do make mistakes unconsciously. Others would not blame us for our unintentional mistakes I believe but the way we choose to apologize does make a huge difference whether in worsen somene's wound or vice versa. According to Randy, there are good apologize and bad apologize. Let's have a look with the bad ones first.

There are two classic bad apologies:
1. "I'm sorry you feel hurt by what I've done."
(This is a attempt at an emotional slave, but it's onvious you don't want to put any medicine in the woud.) It is like: Ops, I'm sorry for what I've done but I can't help it too... LOL, in this situation, silence is gold, it is better to get the mouth sealed.

2. "I apologize for what I did, but you also need to apologize to me for what you've done."
(Is that giving or asking for apologize??) It is like when you caught of an affair, you tell your husband/wife: I'm sorry for betraying you but you too have to apologize as you don't satisfy my sexual urge... LOL, what the hell??

Here comes the proper apologies:
1. What I did was wrong. - At least you are finding ways to solve the problem caused.

2. I feel bad that I hurt you. - At least you feel guilty and looking for some solutions.

3. How do I make this better? - At least you try to listen to others' needs

Perhaps you might encounter some problem where people might take advantage of you when answering your question but I too believe most of them will be genuinely appreciate your effort made.

So, the next time when you apologize, think carefully are you sincerely mean that? If so, choose a better way in apologizing. Even the way in thanking others too the same consept will be applied. When you thank someone in accompanying you in doing something, are you sincerely mean that? Or it is just a way to keep your friend from accompanying you the next time? Be aware, your friends are human being, whether your gratitude or apologize sincere, he or she can make out for sure. Unless you own a dummy friend~

Treat your friend in the way that you want them to treat you. Selfish cause you no benifits.

Finally here comes the semester break again

All these while I hated the semester break the most as I know I'll be abandon and neglected again. The most heart breaking part is I was always unwelcome to to a place that I thought I could find my happiness and will make me to the whole. Sometime things just go otherwise as what I've thought but sadly, I have no power in changing anything. So in this semester, I'm going to be myself. To do something that I can, perhaps finding some ways in fulfilling myself. Though this is not the things that my heart told me to do, not the things that my heart willingly to do, but what would be the better choice when someone is not into you? Right? I still have to face the remaining days ahead me. Overall, I think I am just like one of the spices in someone's life, just to be there for complement, to improve the taste of dishes.

Today is a new day to me, a day that I will be with only myself in completing every tasks in daily life~ Well, what can I do? My first day of holiday, I'm going to get my room tidied! I haven't been coming home that frequent ever since semester 5 started... What a tiring and pressure killing semester! No joke! It is not a problem that nobody is giving me comfort and secure. I'm here giving myself an opportunity in offering myself one. To make me feel confortable, I do need my racks of books to be arrange, tons of blankets, bedsheet, pillow and booster cases to be changed, get my laundry done, and of course, the sweeping and mopping! And, I'll have to finish "My Last Lecture"! It is an amazing book! I kind of like the determination of the author! Things planned can be completed within half a day... What to do for the remaining hours??

What can I do next? Sigh, I have no idea... Why? Perhaps my heart is just not into it... Am I really aim to fulfilling my life? Or I'm just finding an excuse for myself in covering my loneliness? Am I missing my days during the semester? What do I want? I am confused and again, I am lost...

2 more days to go...

Burdening semester 5 is soon to be over. Now comes the most headache period that making my live fill with palpitation... First final paper is coming in two days time in which two heavy subjects fall on the same day... Psychology is definitely going to driving me insane while as Sociology is clueless to me in what to study. Well, I should say, what creature on earth will set questions on the things that never been taught? Yet, this semester, I am getting the same old lecturer where plenty of presentation throughout the semester but nothing much being stressed... Kind of headache if you get this category lecturer in your studies... Maybe, I did not pray hard enough of not getting him as my lecturer. In fact, I want to see him no more in the rest of my semester before I graduate...

Will be start updating my blog after my final exam. Hopefully there are more inspiration for me to write~ Meanwhile, I am having two major dilemma:

1. What title should I pick for my thesis?

2. Should I continue my Master Degree after this or double degree in Psychology?

I'm confuse...

I hate, I hate that guy,
he used to be an irresponsible boy friend,
and currently the irresponsible husband and father!

Hardly one month ago his daughter was borne into this world
and yet what the daughter feels is merely sorrow and tears of her mother.

This is a common social issue that happen throughout the globe.
Why does all these happen?? I keep wondering...
No good moral value been inculcated? Not religious enough?? Or...
Why is the commitment seems to be not valuable at all?
Why is one relationship can be so fragile?
Why one can changed so easily and being so irresponsible?
I am looking for the answer...

I blame but who to blame? Who am I to blame?
Some can't even eye witness their flesh of meat come to the world
and not credited a chance to welcoming their presence,
and yet, this cold blooded one can be so irresponsible....

什么是爱？

"人类很奇怪，
总要等到失去后才发现他的可贵，
在失去后才设法挽回，
要珍惜却已经来不及。
那是一时冲动吗？

不管发生什么事都一定有解决的方法，
我们应该互相包容对方的缺点，
互相体谅，
互相信任，
因为你爱他。
别应一时的冲动而失去了你爱的人，
到时候会也来不及了。

叶子的离开，
是风的追求？
还是树的不挽留？
大树珍惜叶子，
也不代表叶子永远不会掉下来。

你主动爱惜一段感情，
不代表对方不会离你而去。
但是，
如果爱上了，
就不要轻易的放手。

放弃一个很爱你的人并不痛苦，
放弃一个你恨爱的人，
那才痛苦。
别等到错过后才去后悔。”

很有意思的一封信息，但是，有谁能舍得勉强一段不可能的爱情，即使他是真心的爱。一个人没能爱你就像你所要的，并不表示他不真心爱你，这是能容忍对方不完美的说法。自私的说法，为何为一个不肯在你身上花时间的人？爱与不爱，该怎么衡量，怎么判断？对于一份没有安全感与舒适感的爱情，你又会怎么做？人往往就是很矛盾，我就是其中之一。。。你呢?

What a Bad Day

What a bad day... Overlooked on a presentation can eventually cause me that much... Never knew I have to go so in dept into Malaysia academic syllabus in my presentation and the best part is marks was taken into account for the presentation in which I was not aware of it... The moral of today lesson is, do not be too mark-minded. Even though a simple topic can cause you DEATH!!!!

My 2 Hours Walk in One Utama~

So long never really have a clear look in One Utama Old Wing. Prompted by a sudden thought, I went there to visit my brother who currently undergoing his training in Canton-i. Christmas decorations there are not that bad. I had fun there with my W130 there! Hahaa!

Look at the stage with aglow lighting and decorations! At least I feel a little Christmas better than nothing~

What a huge Christmas tree! xoxo

Count the Candies Contest

How many candies do you think boxed up in the three huge containers displayed? 300 or more? I have been thinking can I remove the containers from the stand to get the exact amount counted accurately to win the prize? I afraid I will have my Christmas celebration in jail then! Hahaa!

I thought of counting on the candies but Ting is trying to swallow everything into her stomach! Ting, you can or not oh~~~

This Christmas tree is quite a cute one! Can see the butterfly resting peacefully on it? It is one of the decoration item and also the mask I am holding!

See the two love birds! Hiding behind of the Christmas tree~ And they kidnapped Santa Claus!! Look at the tip of the Christmas tree! Santa is in durance vile!!!

A combined two halves of love shape by this young couple! Hoping you two a everlating love~

So sweet my little brother and his beloved!

Me and my future sister-in-law in Christmas cap~ Hahaa!

Oh my, everyone! These bear bear are so tender! You will surely love it when you place your sense of touch on it!

Quarelling, Squabble, and Arguement...

It is almost 5am in the morning but I am still awake.... Mouse non stop clicking and keyboard being pressed restlessly... Me, my hands and my brain too non stop functioning and make me wonder why not I feel sleepy as I was not have enough sleep for the past few days? Is this called

INSOMNIA?!!

Unintentionally, I read a quite interesting post in Snowice's blog. It is composed in English and to those who can read Chinese word, this is an advantage for you~ The post is as below:

不知你們有沒有想過，其實我們最容易跟自己吵架的人往往是自己的家人…情人…或是好朋友。原來最常跟我們有爭執的人竟然都是跟我們最親密的人，而能夠跟我們發生爭執的人也對我們有一定的了解，所以有人常說『吵架』也是一種溝通，而願意跟你吵架的人，才是真正想了解你的人。

有時候我們與人發生爭執時都會說到『算了』，或者『不說了』，這兩句話其實都是殺傷力很強的話，就代表著自己不想把自己的想法跟他說，也不想讓對方太過了解自己。

有時兩個人爭執，忽然聽到了一句話『我是為你好』；在感情的世界裡，每個人都很自私，有人常會對你說『我是為你好』，這其實是很不負責任的說法，因為我們會把自己的觀念加諸在別人身上，為他人決定一些事，但是再想想，對對方來說：難道你的方法真的可以幫到我嗎?

你為他決定了事情，但是要負責的人卻是他，這是很不公平的，不是嗎？唯有他自己才能決定什麼是對自己最好，若是錯誤的決定也才不會有埋怨，也才能對自己負責。『通常願意留下來跟你爭吵的人，才是真正愛你的人。』

有句話‘每個人天生就不一樣‘

這句話讓我領悟了很多………….

因為不一樣~自然而然每個人所看的所想的也不會相同不要怪別人不夠懂你~換個立場~

其實我們也不敢說自己有多了解他人，能從吵架中表達出自己的想法總比大家把話悶在心裡都不說出來的好，但千萬要避免在衝動時說出傷害對方的言語有些話~一旦說出口~就很難收回了~

所以要珍惜曾經跟自己吵過架的人哦~ ^^

According to her, if you are alert enough, quarrel and squabble frequently happen between us and our your loved ones regardless family, lover or good friends! Those who willing to spend time quarreling with us want to know more about us through quarreling and to make you the better one! They are those who truely care and love us. Hence, quarrel is communicative~ How far do you agree with her? To me, totally~

When comes to quarreling, the responses of 'let it be' or 'no point talking about it anymore' are quite a hurting ones. Indirectly, you are preventing others get to know you more and you are trying to hide your feelings... Of course, you are killing one's spirit by doing so especially your loved ones... And do not blame others by saying 'it is all for your own good' because it is one of the way you throw your respobnsibilities to others by saying so. Let's imagine if a girl got pregnant and she told her boyfriend about it and the boyfriend told her to have an abortion by saying 'Darling, it is for your own good"... Ugh, super irresponsible isn't it!

Everyone is special in his own way. So when comes to different stand or opinion, try to put yourself into someone else shoe. This reminds me on one saying I read in Ice's blog, there is no 100% perfect partner but two 50% people. When the first time I read this, I was thinking if you are in a relationship, how can your partner is not 100%? Well, I think it make sense after I read the post above. The incomplete partner is meant by there will no completely the same people in the world, so it will never be perfect BUT his love for you can be more than anyone else expected-THE POWER OF LOVE so called. No matter what happen, commitment, trust, tolerate, appreciation etc. are very important elements in maintain a relationship. Avoiding and giving up are never a good way~

When talking about this commitment, I remembered one saying about commitment in Cleffairy's blog which is very meaningful and full of inspiration! It says:

"there are only two options regarding commitment. You are either IN or you are OUT. There's no such thing as life-in-between~Pat Riley. "

NIKE

It was beginning of August this year when I saw four drowning puppies in a flooded drain outside of my friend's house not far away from the university I am studying. Time flies so fast and within a blink of eye, this small pup has grown so much bigger~

I have been trying to come out with a post for him but I fail to do so as I wonder what to write for him... Hahahaa, my literal talent is less than 1%... LOL

Nike, a mixture of brown and white coat attracts me when I was making a decision which pup to take home~ He is adorable, maybe a little loyal (maybe he is too small to know what is loyalty...), intelligent (in hunting for food of course!), sweet (when begging for food ad to excrete... XOXO).

Ever since the first day I involve him as family member, he have been given us a lot of fun! The fun when he misses us after hours of sleep and he will non stop whining to make sure we "HI boy" to him. It is quite irritating sometime as I am sleeping very late every night and the next day morning he will be the natural alarm to wakes me up... Ugh... He will bays when he urgently need to go to his personal toilet-PAPERS... He has very good determination and he will make sure he got his way out of the room to comfort his bursting bladder! Hahaaa!

This naughty one loves food~ There was one night he opened the big container that I used to put his food and he finished up everything! What happen later was he had a huge tummy! Really big! LOL~ He is very stingy over his food! Whenever my Shih Zhu appear within his eyesight, not yet approach and no way near, he will be making the sound of snarling and roar angrily with hia bared teeth! It is quite fierce when comes to food... No joke! But now he is undergoing the phrase of changing teeth! Hahaa, so not much teeth left now but one thing bad, the growing teeth are much more BIGGER!!!! OMG~~~

He kills me the most when comes to bath... He scared of water! Extra energy consumed when I bathe him and every time I finish bathing him, I feel so exhausted like after competing in KMs of Marathon! Imagine his size getting bigger each day! OMG, I just can't figure out what's the advance machine can handle this dog easily...

There are so much to talk about him! This list yet to be completed~ As he grow, there are more and more funny and memorable story to be included!Have a look on his growing process!

"Nike"

2 months old Nike

When he accidentally injured himself

3 months old Nike in my bookshelf

See how tiny his teeth is!

This is the latest him!

He is big, not yet huge~

NIKE~

Another 7 Days and 54 Minutes to Christmas!

Another 7 days to Christmas! Hurray! This day was the most meaningful day for me and I will be spending my time in church for activities, performance, and I used to have lots of fun there. Things changed 5 years back... I never been enjoying nor celebrating this day... Perhaps, this year it would be something different for me~ Who knows until it really happen? Can Santa hears my prayer? XOXO

As I walked around shopping malls, Christmas trees cab be seen easily everywhere. Every single corner are well decorated and Christmas song have been playing continuously. This is what you experience in Malaysia. This is not the grand festival that well celebrated in our country like other western country. I am not sure about you but I never been experiencing a good Christmas party like I used to see in TV show. This day apparently means a lot to them as their tradition maintain until now. Unlike our country, you can't really feel if some other big festivals are around the corner! I think it is due to the global stock crisis and everyone have to tighten their belt and not overspend on unnecessary...

I found something interesting about Christmas-The UK Christmas tradition! Are you patient enough to know more about Christmas? Here you go!

Christmas Pudding

Firstly, there is Christmas pudding, also called plum pudding although it contains no plums at all, is traditionally steamed-cooked in a cloth on "stir-up Sunday" at the beginning of advent.

The pudding is traditionally stirred from east to west in honour of the 3 wise men and each family member gives the pudding a stir and makes a secret wish.

Sometimes a clean shilling or six penny piece is stirred into the pudding bringing luck to the finder on Christmas day - as long as its not swallowed.

Mince Pies

Mince pies were originally made from mince meat and were shaped like a crib and decorated into a tiny baby Jesus. Nowadays, mince pies are similar in shape but contain a sweet fruit filling.

Christmas Dinner

The majority of families (90%) around the UK will serve up a succulent roast turkey as the centre piece of their festive meal this Christmas.

Turkey is a relative newcomer to the Yuletide table - it was a luxury right up until the 1950's when refrigerators and freezers became more widely available.

It was first brought over to the British Isles in 1526 by Yorkshirman William Strickland who acquired six birds from American Indian traders on his travels and sold them for a tuppence each in Bristol.

Prior to the turkey tradition Christmas fare included roast swan, pheasants and peacocks. A special treat was a roast boars head decorated with holly and fruit.

Christmas Cards & Stockings

The first known Christmas card was created by JC Horsley in 1843 in America but was not printed until 1946.

The concept of sending cards at Christmas only started to catch on in the 1860's.

The tradition of filling a stocking with presents was also started in America at about the same time and was first mentioned in the Oxford Dictionary in 1954.

Wassailing

Wassailing the apple tree is one of the oldest traditions at Christmas time and is still carried out in Hertfordshire and parts of the west country.

The word wassail is from the Anglo Saxon word "wes hal" meaning "good health" or "be whole".

The tradition generally takes place on the 12th night or sometimes on the 17th January, known as old twelfth night.

Farmers and their families feast on hot cakes and cider then go into the orchard where a cider soaked cake is laid in the fork of a tree and more cider is splashed on it.

A wassail bowl, often as big as a cauldron is filled with the mixture of cider, brandy, ale, spice and drunk hot. The menfolk then fire their guns into the trees and bang on pots and pans while the women and children bow their heads and sing a wassail song.

This is to ward off bad spirits from the orchard and encourage the good spirits to provide a lush crop for the following year.

The "Mari Lwyd"

Another form of wassailing was the South Wales custom of the Mari Lwyd.

It consisted of a horses skull covered with a white sheet and decorated with colourful ribbons, which was carried by a man concealed under the sheet who could operate the jaw and make it snap.

It was taken from door to door around the village with the party, normally dressed up as sergeant, Merryman, Punch and Judy, leading the Mari to the door of the house and engaging in poetic contest, often singing as many as fifteen versus before they were allowed to enter the home.

The Mari would then chase the girls of the house, snapping at them with its jaws and the party enjoyed the food and drink offered.

Culinary Christmas Traditions

Wales: Leek and onion sauce to accompany the turkey. Leeks, onion, cloves, breadcrumbs, milk, nutmeg and bay leaves blended to create a thick and creamy alternative to ordinary bread sauce.Scotland - Rich tatties and neeps - a traditional dish made with mashed potatoes, Swede, carrots, onion and butter, garnished with chives and black pepper.

Ireland: Turkey with whiskey glaze - whiskey and honey together with a splash of orange will give an impressive and great tasting twist to the traditional bird.

England: Red cabbage with apple - combining English Bramley apples, red cabbage, cinnamon and brown sugar with a splash of Port or Madeira.

Personally, i really hope I'll have a chance to experience western tradition in celebrating Christmas. I believe it is so much fun and meaningful rather than seeing the malls with lighting, decorations and songs to be consider as "Christmas celebration"... Ugh... To be honest, i too can't feel Chinese New Year when it is around the corner... Hard to believe? You will know how I feel in months time. Everything are so dead in this country... I believe everyone is undergoing the same condition where tightening their belt for maintaining better life in this economy crisis that hits everyone hard... Sad huh! I wish I could celebrate Christmas with my relative oversea next year! I am praying hard for it! What is my wishes this year? Erm... I don't have a wish list this year... I don't want to be greedy... Santa Claus won't entertain greedy child, will he? So, I minimizes my wish list and make it short and simple:

All I want for Christmas is him~